Girl on the Third Floor

JPV852

December 28, 2019

5/10

Some interesting moments amongst a lot of the nonsense I dislike from these supernatural horror movies that seem to make up the rules as they go (as a way to gin up some "scares"). CM Punk isn't a very charismatic actor though funny does have some shades of Bruce Campbell (could pass off as his son, actually) but I did like Trieste Kelly Dunn and there some great gore effects, particularly in the third act, that almost makes this worthwhile. Almost. **2.5/5**

Gimly

December 28, 2019

6/10

Basically a body horror, but the house is an extra body. It was okay. I know it's a very "in" thing at the moment to not have a single likable character in your horror movie, which is the route that _Girl on the Third Floor_ takes, but I personally don't dig that. _Final rating:★★½ - Had a lot that appealed to me, didn’t quite work as a whole._

Kamurai

October 23, 2020

4/10

Empty watch, probably won't watch again, and can't recommend. There just isn't a lot to care about. A lot of awful stuff happens, but they don't build the story correctly. He's a jerk and a half so we don't care what happens to him, and we get a whole dramatic reveal of explanation all at once in the 3rd act, but Sarah Brooks is the only thing that is interesting about the first 2/3 of the movie and that's at least half because she's playing "sexy little thing" with him and not for any para…

Girl on the Third Floor is the story of a house that wants to be the Overlook Hotel when it grows up, but this movie is to The Shining what CM Punk’s UFC stint is to his WWE career. A deeply troubled, heavily tattooed former attorney (yeah, right) named Don Koch (Punk) is seeking a fresh start. He buys a dilapidated old house in a Chicago suburb; a fixer-upper meant to provide him and his pregnant wife, Liz (Trieste Kelly Dunn), with a new home — before that, though, he moves in by himself t…